There are some deeply irritating adverts on (British) TV at the moment. The wee tip-off that alerted me to the fact is that I find myself shouting at the TV. Admittedly I’ve been under a bit of stress lately, but my flatmate confirms that it’s not just me, there really are some stupid adverts around at the moment. So here is our top five:
5) Chanel Number 5 (with Brad Pitt)
So much has been said about this ad that it seems unnecessary to offer further criticism. One commentator said that it sounds like it’s been Google-translated through 12 different languages and back to English. It does. Another said, “It’s not a commercial, every commercial ends but we go on. The stomach turns and we turn with it. Truth disappears, fakes take over. But wherever I go, there you are…my bad luck, my fate, my torture.” I think that about sums it up.
4) Find My Past sponsorship ads
These appear at the start and end of history / antiques themed programmes. They involve a woman with a laptop, lots of ‘actors’ playing dress-up with stereotypical period costumes and mannerisms, and occasionally a weak joke (“Use the dishwasher.” “But ma’am, I am the dishwasher!”) Lazy, boring, pointless. Grr.
3) Vaseline Essential Moisturiser
This is the one that says something along the lines of “Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a moisturiser that feels good and does good?” What a unique selling point! My current moisturiser, for instance, feels great but is made out of asbestos, while the one before that was deeply nourishing, but sadly contained pieces of shrapnel. Silly, pointless, patronising.
2) Muller Greek-Style Yoghurt
The two [spoiler alert!] centaur women discussing yoghurt on a Greek island. Leaving aside that fact that it probably does contain fat (“fat-free” doesn’t mean “does not contain fat”, strictly speaking), once again it’s the acting that makes it terrible. The fake little laugh in “It’s a myth” makes me want to chew nails, and I have to change the channel immediately.
1) Windows Tablet (with annoying dancing woman)
Pride of place is reserved for the Windows Tablet ad. There are a few of them, and some are ok, but this is the one with the awful song to which an awful black and white woman is doing an awful dance. So irritating that sparks fly from my ears, and it makes the product look clunky, busy and hard to use. An utter failure.
Next time, to lighten to mood somewhat, I think we might do a run down of some adverts that are actually good.
K C Murdarasi 
Why don’t you just switch off your television set and do something less boring instead?
A fair point, Neil. But then what would I moan about?
I have taken to muting the telly when the adverts come on. They always make them louder than the normal programs anyway.
Can I vote for the Irn Bru Snowman for the best adverts? 🙂
It’s definitely a contender!
One that annoys me is the Youview ad which states that it is totally free, it isn’t. You have to have a broadband subscription, which you pay for, with unlimited downloads and no fair usage policy, (very rare) as I know to my cost, a £20 fine for listening to internet radio for a month after my FM set packed up, if I streamed TV too it would be cheaper to get Virgin, which I can’t because the government wont allow them to put in 20 metres of cable to my property, BT can do it but wont. because the whole surrounding area is Virgin controlled. And the crook Murdoch can stuff his Sky where the sun don’t shine.
I know, you’re really got to watch the tiny white print at the bottom of adverts. Provided they tell you the truth down there, they can say pretty much whatever they like in the voiceover.