When is St Nicholas’ Day, you ask? It’s the 6th of December, and I have written a wee explainer article for Premier all about St Nicholas, Santa and Father Christmas. Enjoy!
As you probably know, I make a gingerbread structure every Christmas. And as you may also know, I love the Snooker World Championship. This year, these two passions have been combined:
How is your Christmas prep coming along? Mine is going pretty well. All the presents are bought, wrapped and sent; the cards have been posted; and I have applied my Christmassy nail wraps (a very important step). I don’t have to worry about all that nonsense about buying enough food for an army because, as the black sheep of the family, I always spend the day itself at someone else’s house. But, for the last few years, I have contributed a gingerbread structure each year, so that’s what I was doing all of yesterday, and some of the day before.
Last year, I came across a list of Christmas films (I think it may have been one of those cheap-to-make countdown programmes that they fill schedules with, but I don’t remember) and was surprised by how many I hadn’t seen. I mean, I have seen a lot of Christmas films, and deliberately avoided a lot of others (anything Hallmarky) but there are still quite a few significant gaps, apparently.
The race for Christmas number one is being fiercely fought between Ed Sheeran & Elton John, and Ed Sheeran & Elton John (with Ladbaby). The tension is entirely bearable. However, although I’m not a fan of Ed or Elton, I am a bit pleased that Christmas number one will be something Christmassy this year. It rarely is.
I am hoping to get another post written before Christmas about my favourite Christmas pop songs, but with my current workload I’m making no promises. Fortunately, a couple of articles I wrote last month have just gone live, so you can enjoy those instead.
All my books on Smashwords are free in the Smashwords End of Year Sale (as they usually are), and there are also many other books by inferior writers (kidding!) that you can get for free or cheap too.
BUT…
this year they’ve introduced the ability to give them as gifts! Meaning you can now give all of your friends and relations my books without spending your own cash. So what are you waiting for??
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when songs from 50-odd years ago get dusted off and Noddy Holder informs us all once again that “It’s Chriiiiiiiiiistmas!” But among these festive hits and Christmas carols, there are some that aren’t actually about Christmas at all. This is mostly because here in the northern hemisphere we associate Christmas with snow and ice and wintry pursuits, even though the chances of it snowing on any given Christmas Day are about as high as Lapwing getting to number one (although they are currently number 13 in the UK iTunes chart, which is respectable). So here are a few songs that you perhaps believed were Christmas songs, but aren’t.
Photo by Julia Freeman-Woolpert from FreeImages
Jingle Bells
What, Jingle Bells not a Christmas song?? But find me any reference to Christmas in the lyrics. Go on, I’ll wait.
The reason you won’t find any is that this is just a song about winter frolics. Yes, it does mention a sleigh, but it’s only now that a sleigh automatically brings Santa Claus to mind. Back in the 1850s, when it was written, a sleigh was a fun way to travel in winter – with a horse, rather than nine reindeer.
Let it Snow!
Again, nothing Christmas-related in the lyrics. This song was written during a heatwave in Los Angeles as a pleasant fantasy of cooler conditions.
Baby it’s Cold Outside
You’re getting the idea now, aren’t you? This mildly creepy song is just about a cold evening, which could be anytime between November and March. It was written for a housewarming party, apparently, and was subsequently used by hosts as a hint to guests that it was time to go.
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
Yes, it mentions sleigh bells, but probably just the kind of sleigh from Jingle Bells, not the reindeer- propelled variety. This is (yet) another in the “it’s not Christmas, it’s just cold” category.
Ode to Joy
I’d never thought of this movement of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony as being Christmassy at all, but apparently many people do – particularly in Japan, for some reason. My brother-in-law referred to it as Christmas music when it appeared in the soundtrack of Die Hard, but conceded that he may consider it Christmassy because it’s in his favourite Christmas-adjacent film*, rather than because there’s anything Christmassy about it in itself.
I considered including When a Child Is Born in this list, but decided against. It’s borderline. It doesn’t mention Christmas, and reading the lyrics the ‘child’ is either every child that is born (most of the verses) or a saviour who has not yet been born (the talky bridge and the last verse) rather than explicitly being the baby Jesus. But it does mention a star and says “this comes to pass”, which is very biblical sounding, so I’ll allow it.
I’d be happy to tell you which are my favourite (actual) Christmas songs. If you would like that in another post, leave a comment to that effect. Mariah Carey doesn’t make it in, I’m afraid.
* Christmas-adjacent because it is not a Christmas film. Yes, it happens at Christmas, there’s the odd Christmas-related quip and some Christmas music, but the events of the film are not contingent upon it being Christmas. John McClane could have been attending his wife’s office shindig in July and things would have panned out just the same.
Although I am demographically more of a Radio 2 listener, for the last few months I have been listening to Radio 1 every morning. This has exposed me to a great deal of modern popular music, and I have noticed some patterns. In fact, I have identified a few (a very few) categories that probably 90% of the songs fit into.
Rap/Grime/Drill/Hip-Hop (as if I know the difference)
There seems to be only one kind of song in this musical genre(s), at least among the stuff I’ve heard, and it goes like this:
I used to be very poor.
Now I am very rich.
My wealth and fame give me entry to exclusive locations, the ability to purchase expensive items, and access to many women.
I also swear a lot.
Pop
There’s more variety among the pop offering, and it’s largely divided according to relationship status.
I am in a relationship
You are very attractive.
I think about you all the time.
I enjoy having sex with you.
I am looking for a relationship
You are very attractive.
I think about you all the time.
I very much hope that we will soon be having sex.
Those songs are generally sung by men. The ladies’ response can be split into two other categories:
I don’t know what you’re waiting for.
I think I’ve made it clear I’m interested.
or
Not a chance, pal.
Now get out of my dancing space.
I am no longer in a relationship
There are two categories in this relationship status, too, and there is a pronounced gender divide.
Generally men:
I used to be in a relationship with you.
Now I am not.
The breakup was my fault / I don’t understand where I went wrong.
I am very sad and regretful.
Generally women:
I used to be in a relationship with you.
Now I am not.
The breakup was your fault and you were very foolish.
I am happy and have no regrets.
So there you have it: 90% of the songs on Radio 1 in a single blog post. This doesn’t cover weirdy indy songs where you don’t even know what they’re singing about (although often they are the men’s “no longer in a relationship” category, I think). It also doesn’t cover Christmas songs, which are starting to creep onto the Radio 1 playlist, and had already conquered Radio 2 by December 1st.
Speaking of Christmas songs, there is an utterly adorable new song about the weirdness and sadness of Christmas in 2020, our reassessment of what matters and our hope for better times. And it has a catchy chorus and a gorgeous video of Glasgow. It’s by a couple of Glasgow teachers called (collectively) Lapwing, and you can listen to here:
The inspiration for this post was my rather splendid new Christmas jumper, which you can see in the photo below. Christmas jumpers have become a bit of a thing in recent years (I know they were around before that, but they were mocked rather than mandatory) and I didn’t have one last year, so I decided to make one for this Christmas.
K C Murdarasi 