Archive | March, 2010

Rules to Live By

20 Mar

Some given to me as advice, some learnt from experience, but all useful when applied with common sense.

  • Smile and nod.
  • It will all seem better in the morning.
  • Ignore it and it will go away.
  • Never go to the toilet straight before going to the doctor.
  • Be honest.
  • Don’t drink wine when you’re thirsty.
  • Don’t buy an espresso from a place that can’t spell it.
  • There is no such thing as “the real world”.
  • There’s nothing wrong with being different.
  • There are better things to be than pretty.
  • There are better things to be than clever.
  • Generally speaking, beware of men with beards.
  • It is never necessary to sin in order to do good.
  • Nobody can dance.
  • You can’t dance in slippers.
  • Cultivate friendship.
  • Fresh air and sunshine are good for you.
  • In almost all cases, whisky named after a place = good, whisky named after a person = bad.

Disabled Toilets

1 Mar

Disabled people don’t wear coats or carry bags. They also don’t use make up or care about the appearance of their hair. How do I know this? Because disabled toilets never have coathooks or a mirror. In fact, in a disabled toilet you’re lucky if you even get anything to dry your hands on. (A dryer that wheezes on your hands like an asthmatic gerbil does not count.)

This is annoying enough if you’re using the accessible toilet for the sake of convenience and could just go along to the ladies’, but it must be infuriating if you don’t have a choice about it. I think someone should organise a secret national event when we all go into disabled loos armed with stick-on hooks and mirrors. It would make life slightly less annoying for a lot of people.