And if you didn’t get the film reference in the title, shame on you.
A few weeks back I was interviewed by Darius Namdaran, director of the BulletMap Academy, for his Dyslexia Explored podcast. He got in touch because he had come across one of my posts on this website about the joys of dyslexia (yes, there are some).
Continue readingThis was supposed supposed to be a proper reblog, where the original post appears below, and you can read the first part of it right here, but I’m currently away from my laptop and it turns out not to be so easy on a phone. I’m doing my best, OK?
Anyway, the point of this pseudo-reblog is that I’ve just written a wee piece for Dyslexia Scotland’s blog, A Life Less Ordinary, about four things I learnt at DyslexiFest.
DyslexiFest (which I find ironically hard to spell) was a “celebration of all things dyslexic” that was held in Glasgow last weekend. Don’t think there’s anything to celebrate about dyslexia? Read my previous posts on the subject (here and here) or just have a read of the Dyslexia Scotland blog.
Anyway, you can read about it the event here: #DyslexiFest
Meanwhile, I will think fondly of my laptop sitting obediently on my desk. But with a smartphone (and, importantly, a charger) in my bag, I’m sure I will find plenty of ways to amuse myself while pretending I’m working.
If you’re dyslexic, you’re close to a dyslexic, or you’re just the curious type, you may want to read my latest blog post for Dyslexia Scotland. Its working title was “Methods of alleviating the symptoms of dyslexia”, but fortunately I came up with something slightly snappier 😉
https://alifelessordinaryds.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/the-power-of-purple/amp/
An hour or so ago I was idly considering whether, if there were a cure for dyslexia, I would take it. I’ve blogged about the joys of dyslexia before, but there are drawbacks, of course. In fact, it’s mainly a drawback, otherwise it wouldn’t be termed a specific learning disability (or whatever they’re calling it this week). This was brought home to me once again, very soon after my ponderings. I am currently supposed to be at an AGM but I forgot to leave something my husband needed before I departed, forgot my phone so I couldn’t even tell him, and so had to come home and miss my train. No AGM.
Forgetfulness isn’t exclusive to dyslexia, of course, and I don’t have conclusive proof that it’s even connected to my dyslexia, but I’m pretty sure it is. Dyslexia is a range of problems arising from faulty brain wiring (a rough description), mostly to do with reading and writing, hence the name dys – with difficulty, faulty; lexis – speech. These specific problems are usually associated with other ones, though, like clumsiness, forgetfulness and even difficulty following the plots of films (I kid you not). I have no difficulty with film plots, but I am forgetful, and my clumsiness drives me up (and very often into) the wall.
So why isn’t it an easy decision to choose a hypothetical cure for dyslexia? No more smashed glasses and chipped dishes, no more missed appointments. With a working sense of spatial awareness I might even be able to dance enthusiastically without the risk of knocking out anyone who came too close! If there were a cure for my lung diseases (two for the price of one) I would snap it up. If hayfever could be permanently cured I would take the injection or have the operation. There is a cure for short-sightedness, and I’ve had it: Thank you, Ultralase, I can now see. So why not dyslexia?
The thing is that dyslexia feels much more a part of me than any of these other conditions. Take away the sniffliness or the need to use an inhaler and I would be exactly the same person. My eyesight was bat-like, now it’s eagle-like, but it doesn’t affect who I am. If you changed the functioning of my brain, though, would that still be true? Who knows how many of the traits I think of as my own are in some way connected to being dyslexic? How much of who I am has been shaped by struggling with this range of problems, and how much of me would change if I didn’t have to struggle? If there were a way to try out a non-dyslexic life without committing to it, maybe that would be an option. But would the non-dyslexic me who made the final choice really be me, or would she make a different decision because she thought differently once she was eulexic? (No, that’s not a real word.)
Ok, this is getting excessively philosophical and could go on forever, but you see my point: It’s not a decision to take lightly. For the moment it’s purely theoretical and I can just sit on the fence, but if it ever became a real possibility, what would I choose? I honestly don’t know.
Tom Pellerau, who astonishingly won The Apprentice despite being a nice chap, was talking on “You’re Hired” about how his dyslexia had been a boon to him, allowing him to turn around inventions in his mind, a thing that other people don’t seem to be able to do. Â I can’t do that either, since dyslexia is a very flexible disability which varies from person to person. Â However my own dyslexia does provide some benefits – chiefly, the amusement I get from hastily glimpsed signs.
The dyslexic brain often grabs at the shape of words rather than reading all the letters, which means (out of context) I have the ability to misread things more dramatically than the average person. Â Here’s a selection of my favourites:
Eat your peas = Eat your pets
Trinny and Susannah = Tyranny and Susannah
Gordon Street = Gorilla Street
Providing life-changing services to people with sight loss = providing for the vices of people with sight loss
What’s on this month = What’s on the moon
Ignite your imagination = ignore your neighbours
Recycle your batteries here = recycle your enemies here
Krushems = blaspheme
coffee shop = chlorine
Experience the wisdom of the OT in a new way = Experience the wisdom of the OT in a new wax
The Bible played a central role in Calvin’s life and work = The BBC played a central role in Calvin’s life and work
The premium computing organisation = The power of composting organisation
cafe and picnic area = cafe and piñata area
2 for 1 dining = 2 for 1 dripping
tapers in Universal Credit = tapas in Universal Credit
serviced offices = sacred offices
catalogue specials = Â cast a spell on us
celebrating fine coffee = celebs rating fine coffee
reduce arrears = reduce Andy to tears
Special Promotional Rates = Suicide Promotional Fares
Who will you back? = Who will you kill back?
Salsa and Salsacise classes = Salary and Sausage classes
Touch Blue Telecom = Touch the Blue Pelican
Fasten your seatbelt = Fasten your breakfast
Recruiting mechanics now = Recruiting maniacs now
FedEx = feck it
Putting customers at the heart of everything we do = Putting cushions at the heart of everything we do
A&FNY = Agent Firefly
Internal management plans = Infernal management plans
Baggage reclaim = try to remain calm [particularly apt, I think]
The cosy poncho = The cosy psycho
Bifocal contact lenses = Biblical contact lenses
Professionally formulated with argan oil = Presumably formulated with argan oil
liposuction = lapsang souchong
Welding engineers = wedding emergencies
Sit-in restaurant meals = sit in respectable schools
14 days of unmissable tennis = 14 days of unspeakable tenor
Kirsty and Phil’s Love It or List It = Kirsty and Phil’s Love Child
We’ll buy your car = We’ll eat your car
K C Murdarasi 