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Penny for Your Whistle

16 Apr

You may remember, if you cast your mind back several weeks, that this Lent I decided to take up the tin whistle. At the start of the period I could play a scale but not much more than that. I resolved to practise every day. Did I keep it up?

Yes, I did! And with the help of a nice online Jesuit priest I can now play three proper Irish tunes and even put in a couple of simple ornamentations, the cut and the hit. I got so into the whole business that I bought a second whistle to replace the one that I had let my baby niece play with (i.e. bash off things). I’m keeping both of them, though, because the original nickel one is much better for fast things, like jigs, while the new brass one is better for the slow tunes.

As proof of my efforts, I have attempted to upload a video of myself playing “The Star of the County Down”, but WordPress doesn’t seem to like videos. Nothing daunted, Ihave uploaded to YouTube and embedded a link below. It’s not terribly thrilling, but you are perfectly welcome to have a look.

The Hound of Heaven

17 Mar

By pure chance I have come across the most wonderful poem. I was invited to a concert by Matthew Todd, a talented tenor, and the main piece was a musical arrangement of Francis Thompson’s poem The Hound of Heaven. You can use the link to read the whole text of the poem and I would encourage you to because it’s astonishingly good.

The Hound of Heaven was written at the end of the nineteenth century, and it has the grandeur of Victorian art and poetry combined with the emotional immediacy and general weirdness of early twentieth century poetry. It is reminiscent of T.S. Eliot’s The Waste Land at times, but also of Charles Kingsley and even of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (especially the bit where Thompson talks about his lost youth).

I would quote my favourite bits, but it was written in an era before soundbites, so they tend to have to be quoted with their surrounding lines, or even whole verse, in order to make sense. This is being written in the era of smartphones, and my thumbs would seize up. I will just quote a couple of wee bits though, albeit out of context:

“I swung the earth a trinket at my wrist,”

and the opening line, which sends shivers down my spine:

“I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;”

Brilliant! And if that has tempted you, do yourself a favour by clicking the link above, and read the whole thing.

Musical Lent

26 Feb

So, Lent has rolled around again. I was thinking about what to give up, but nothing made much sense so I’ve decided to do what I did last year and take up a committment instead. Last year it was reading John Stott’s The Cross of Christ. This year, I’m going to practice the tin whistle every day.

I bought one a few months ago because it was only a couple of quid and tin whistle music does sound great, but I’ve not done much with it. In fact it gets most use from my baby neice bashing it on the ground or chewing the wrong end. I intend to rectify that, for the next six weeks at least.

This one will be harder to keep up, since if I only remember at 11pm that I haven’t done it that day, it will probably annoy the neighbours more than reading a chapter of a book. Still, I’m managing so far even if it’s only a couple of scales, so we’ll see how it goes. Maybe I’ll be appearing at the next Celtic Connections…

The Selfish Giant’s Square

7 Feb



I have taken to avoiding Blythswood Square as I make my way around Glasgow. I used to deliberately travel through the Square if I was in that part of town, because I liked the walk through the tiny park / garden that lies in the middle of it. That was before they locked it up. Now it just depresses me to have to walk around it and see the padlocks and notices.

The official reason given by the notices is the Occupy protestors who set up a measly camp of three tents in one part of the park in November. It was a pretty uninspiring protest, and they must have been freezing. I thought in the end they’d been blown away by the storms (literally or metaphorically) but it turns out that they were actually blown away by a court injunction. To prevent anything like that happening again, the notice said, it has been necessary to close the park. Thus, the actions of a “selfish few” have spoiled it for everyone.

That doesn’t wash. Leaving aside the motives of the campers (a “selfish” anti-greed campaign? Hmm), the situation now is that there is a five foot (or so) fence on a small wall, finished with four padlocked gates. That would hardly keep out determined protestors for two minutes – I could scale it myself if I was so inclined – but it will keep out office workers and passers-by, who were the people who used the square.

The main reason I find their notice disingenuous, though, is that the fence started going up long before the protestors arrived. As soon as they rebuilt the fence it was obvious where things were headed, and the big gates confirmed it. When the protestors moved in it gave them an excuse, but it does appear that they were planning to close the park anyway.

I keep saying “they” and “them”. The park is owned by the surrounding businesses, as I understand it, so it is private property and the owners are within their legal rights to close it. However it is also the only patch of green in the surrounding area, and is enormously popular with office workers who walk through or around it in winter, and lie on it having picnic lunches in summer. (“Summer” here meaning the few sunny days that we get in Glasgow.) For years and years it has been a much-loved local amenity and has had its litter collected and flower beds planted by the council. Now, probably at the behest of the Bythswood Hotel (because that is the big new business in the Square), it’s just another small pleasure that’s being denied to ordinary people, possibly because we make it look messy.

I have fond memories of sunny times spent in the park Blythswood Square garden, eating ice cream, sunbathing and chatting. The notice on the locked gates says that the garden will still be opened on sunny days in summer. I hope that’s true, but it’s not much of a consolation. It’s not just me who liked the place, either; according to the survey of Living, Working and Spirituality in Glasgow, 24% of people gave an outdoor space as their favourite place in Glasgow City Centre, and many of them specifically mentioned Blythswood Square.

Blythswood Square park used to be a little bit of green pleasure in the middle of a working day. Now it’s just the Selfish Giant‘s garden.

Leda Available on Kindle

10 Jan

My children’s novel Leda  has just been released as a Kindle ebook.  You can download it from Amazon.  The paperback edition will be available directly from me (or the publisher, Troubador) in a few weeks, or on Amazon in May.

For more details, see Leda‘s page.

An Apology to Posters of Comments

23 Nov

I seem to have had too much faith in the automatic systems of WordPress.  I have never checked my “spam” comments, simply believing my dashboard when it tells me it has “protected” me from x spam comments.  Today, out of curiosity, I looked at the 5 that were still in the queue.  Three were spam (although two were cunningly disguised), one I couldn’t really interpret, and the final one was a perfectly nice, relevant comment.  Oops.  I’ve approved it now, but if that sample is anything to go on, up to 20% of the automatically deleted comments could be non-spam.  (And yes, I know that’s statistically dodgy because it’s too small a sample, but you see my point.)

So, if you have posted anything to this site which was not spam, and it never appeared, please accept my apologies.  I’ll try and be more diligent in checking my spam queue in future.

The Breeding Habits of Biros

13 Nov

In 1935 Ladislas Biro journeyed to South America. There, in the wilderness of Argentina, he discovered a species of worm previously unknown to the Western world. Hard shelled and secreting a thick, dark slime, it was considered merely a pest by the locals, but Ladislas could see its potential.

Ladislas rushed back to Paris and lodged a patent for his new ‘invention’. Soon, the world was introduced to the Biro, a new kind of writing implement that wrote (or rather, left its thick, coloured slime) on almost every surface, and worked constantly, without refilling, for up to two years – that being the average life cycle of the Argentinian worm.

Mr Biro was no fool. He understood that if people discovered the true nature of the new pens, not only would he be a laughing stock, but people would simply breed the worms, and there would be no more income to be had from export. He thought the risk was small, however; Biros were both expensive and reliable. Why would any household have more than one? Even if they did, what were the chances that they would have both male and female, and would keep them together for any length of time?

Ladislas’ gamble paid off, and he lived out the rest of his wealthy life without discovery. Those who came after him, however, were not so cautious. Greedy to expand they lowered the price and flooded the market. Soon people were giving away specially bred sloganed versions for free, and betting shops were importing a dwarf variety by the thousand, and what Ladislas had feared came to pass: Left alone in drawers, desk tidies and pencil cases, the worms started to breed.

Ladislas Biro had anticipated an outcry, investigations, the ripping up of his patent and mass breeding programmes, but none of this came about. Instead people merely shrugged, said to themselves “I must have picked up another free one without noticing”, and went on with their lives, resigned to always having too many Biros. Around the world, Biros bred prolifically, rearing their young in the nooks and crannies of modern life, and mankind went about its business in total ignorance – until now.

 

Liked this? Try Office Life (and Death), a collection of funny short stories.

Why I Hate iPhones

3 Nov

The Price

Around £500 for what is essentially a toy? (And don’t bother to tell me it’s a phone; yes, it phones, but you can get a model that does it better for a fiver.  For proof, look at any small child presented with an iPhone: It’s a toy.) But it’s not just the outrageous price of the handset, there’s also the running cost to consider. Normally you can negotiate with a phone company, especially if you’re a loyal customer, but not if you’re after an iPhone. Then they’ve got you where they want you. They can demand some huge monthly payment and, like an addict buying a fix, you’ll grumble, but you’ll accept it.

The Advertising

The problem with the advertising is that it’s so annoyingly good. They show you all the shiny new things the toy can do in the most simple and effective way, so that you don’t feel you’ve had the hard sell, you just feel that you really, really want it. I’m not immune to the covetousness it conjures up – but like Odysseus with the sirens, I make myself resist

The Evil Apple Behemoth

Once you have been drawn in by that siren song, Apple will make sure the pull you further and further into their clutches. You want to listen to music on your iPhone? To do that you will have to download iTunes. No simple drag and drop from your computer to your phone; instead you have to go into their shop and negotiate the fiddly, user-unfriendly interface. And then, of course, if you download any new songs they come in a format that can only be used on iPhones / ipods, no other music devices. The same goes for ebooks. You can read epub files on any book reader, and you can download the Kindle app for your phone or PC, but buy an ebook from Apple and you can have it on your i-device or nothing. All if which means, if you don’t want to lose all of the stuff you’ve downloaded, you’ll have to stick with iPhones forever.

Apps That Eat Money

Another sneaky lure to coax more of your disposable income out of your pocket are apps that are free to download, but require you to buy things to progress. That means you’ll be authorising payments in the heat of a game you’re trying to win – not conducive to sober judgement. Ok, this problem may not be confined to iPhones, and it has nothing to do with Apple – but it’s still very annoying!

Androids Are Better

When the original iPhone was released it was like nothing else, a totally new breed of phone. The adverts seemed like fiction so everyone flocked to see if it was really like that – and it was. Now, however, other companies have caught up. A good Android phone can do everything an iPhone can do, but without the annoying inflexibility, the ‘Apple-knows-best’ness of the iPhone. And they’re cheaper. And the contracts are more affordable. And you have a choice of various makes and models. Once the iPhone was evil but unique. Now it’s just evil.

And that is why I HATE IPHONES!

A Brush with Criminality

18 Oct

This weekend I spent a couple of hours howking weeds from between paving slabs in the name of community action, organised by Reform G43. Despite being fairly backbreaking, it was actually fun. I realise that sounds unlikely, but if you do almost anything as part of a friendly group, it becomes fun – and besides, it certainly had novelty value. I received mostly positive comments from passers-by, and lots of requests that we come and clean up nearer their home (what’s the opposite of nimbyism?).

Some participants didn’t get such a good reaction, though. People tutted and gave them dirty looks. This seemed like a pretty strange reaction to people who were sweeping up litter and pulling out weeds – until one of the leaders pointed out that, faced with people in high-vis vests doing menial work, they probably assumed we were all on community service orders! That made me laugh quite a lot, especially as the group was largely made up of mild-mannered churchgoers and angelic kids from the local Boys Brigade. Reform G43 – the latest criminal plot to hit the south side of Glasgow?

Frightful Anticipation

31 Aug

I am so desperately looking forward to “Fright Night“. I haven’t looked forward to a film as much in a long time. Yes, I know it will be full of annoying teenagers, in the audience and on screen. Yes, I know it may well be terrible. You may already have seen it and be able to tell me for sure – but don’t! Let me wallow in the anticipation of Colin Farrell as a vampire – and not one of your angsty, spotty, woebegone teenage vampires, either – a proper, grown up, evil vampire.

What vampire film-makers seem to have forgotten in recent years is that a vampire has to be such that you want them to “kiss” you.  It’s not so much about external good versus evil, as the internal pull of the things you shouldn’t want, but do.

David Tennant is in “Fright Night” 2011 too, as a slayer, and he is good in just about everything, even the drippy “Single Father”. I’m trying not to find out too much about the film so as not to spoil it. I haven’t seen the original, so apart from the one-line synopsis, I know nothing.

The film is out on Friday. Usually I’m strictly an Orange Wednesdays kind of girl, but in this case I may have to make an exception.

[See my review of Fright Night.]